Welcome back to the woods

Welcome back to the woods

Summer has a dark side. Don’t misunderstand me, I love summer. I love sitting on the front porch with a steaming cup of coffee in the morning watching the world wake up. I love the smell freshly cut hay and restful green overtaking the ugly gray and brown of winter. The woody smell of smoke from the grill makes your mouth water as you anticipate the unequalled taste of burgers and cold, sweet iced tea. What’s not to love? I know the days are longer and the water warmer, but there is a problem with summer – Chiggers. Bug people tell us that Chiggers are small arachnoids (spiders). My wife has a rule for spiders. They can exist around her as long as they stay hidden. If she ever sees one her pacifism ends, the rules are broken and all bets are off. Her gentle nature is overwhelmed by a rage seen rarely except at bull fights or when white sharks attack. When spiders come out to look around and are seen by my wife they have to suffer the full penalty of breaking her spider rule – death by whatever means available. Ok, so Chiggers are spiders. So what? Well, I am told that more men were put out of action in the civil war battle of Wilson’s Creek by these, little-red-bugs-from-hell, than battle damage. The southern soldiers were very familiar with these little skin eaters and came prepared, but the northern boys were unfamiliar and completely outmaneuvered by the little wood devils. History remembers that the hospitals in Springfield treated more bites and poison ivy rashes than bullet wounds. In mid October Mother Nature hangs out her multicolored fall welcome sign. It says, Ok, the woods are open again. Come back and play. The woods know that men and chiggers can’t play well together. There is the law of impenetrability which says that two objects cannot exist at the same place at the same time. Never is that law more poignant than when chiggers are involved in the equation. I used to think about the questions I would ask God when we get to meet face to face. One deep cosmological thought I have always pondered is why did God put Kansas between Missouri and Colorado? Now I have a second; why did God make chiggers? As far as I can tell they serve no ecological or biological purpose. Their existence is truly an enigma. Where do they exist on the food chain? Is there any positive reason for their existence? About the time I think I have a small corner of God’s design figured out I have to deal with the ever recurring question of the chigger. One thing about hosting a chigger is forever true. After it has eaten it is impossible for boredom to exist. You always have something to do. Ok, the chiggers are leaving and the woods are open for business. Get out there and enjoy. I know they are gone, but I am still going to spray on a little repellant.